Life Lesson #3: The marketing guys at Guinness had it right….
I was a late developer. I was 18 years before I met my first boyfriend
He cheated on me (I never found out the exact number of occassions but it was more than once) and slept with a prostitute on a lad’s holiday to Amsterdam.
After graduating from University, I was intent on finding a well-paid job with good prospects.
The best I could do, fresh from graduating and proudly clutching my degree in Modern Languages and Economics, was find a very entry-level job, cold-calling pharmaceutical companies for £14k a year. It became apparent that I was working for an employer who had about as much integrity as Rupert Murdoch, when I was called in after two months, one day before my probationary period expired and told I was ‘being replaced by software’. I was given no notice and no pay-off and had no choice but to sign on the dole for three months.
After spending 4 years in grim student accomodation and always seeming to end up with the flatmates from hell, I was looking forward to being able to afford a swanky, pimped-up crib.
After Uni I worked in Paris for 3 months and lived in what was essentially an attic. In Sydney, I lived with a girl who would walk around completely naked, wax her vajayjay in the middle of the sitting room floor while I was trying to watch Sex and the City and hacked into my hotmail account and read all my emails slagging her off. In the UK, I lived with a girl who tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose, and in my first flat in Dublin I moved in with a gay guy who had a thing for having really noisy sex in the kitchen.
Can you see a pattern emerging here?
But you know what? I became more discerning about who’s company I kept and ended up meeting the love of my life. The experience I gained doing the crappy, badly-paid, dead-end jobs allowed me to eventually land a much better, well-paid job with optimistic career prospects. This in turn means that I can afford to splash out a bit more on rent and I now live with M in the same waterside apartment complex as Colin Farrell (ok, well, we are on the ground floor – he’s in the penthouse!)
For some of us, our dreams include fame and fortune. But for most of us, meeting the man or woman of our dreams, having a job we love (or at least don’t hate!) and having a nice-ish roof over our heads is enough. I don’t believe in ‘Happy Ever After’, but for now at least, I seem to be ticking the boxes I wanted to be ticked. And I have no doubt whatsoever that I would absolutely take all of these things for granted if it wasn’t for my shitty experiences beforehand. I count myself as very lucky and I thank the Universe every day for the good fortune it’s brought my way. I just had to wait for it.
Life Lesson # 4: “Everything happens for a reason” is just something people with no imagination say to help others going through a tough time.
Sometimes life just deals you a shitty hand and you sink or swim.
Life Lesson # 5: The importance of staying classy.
There’s a great piece of advice in the book He’s just not that into you: always be classy.
In the book, they refer to it in terms of breaking up and romantic relationships, but I think it’s a good idea to apply this to all areas of your life.
Do you need to yell at the customer service person when you don’t get your way? Do you need to honk and scream at the driver who carves you up on the road? Do you need to sigh and tut and huff and roll your eyes when you’re getting inpatient with someone?
Will it kill you to say thank you? Will it kill you to let the other person out at the junction? Will it kill you take a deep breathe and be polite, no matter how exasperated you are?
We live in a culture which says you have a right to be absolutely ruthless in the pursuit of the things that you want. We live in a society which says that being selfish is “a good thing”, that “it’s a dog eat dog world” and which rewards those who “look out for number one.”
How utterly depressing.
I associate classiness not just with politeness and etiquette, but with empathy and compassion. If you’re behaving and carrying yourself in a classy way, it means you’re displaying some respect towards yourself and to others. You don’t need to agree with everyone, but if you need to disagree, then where’s the harm in doing it graciously? If you’ve got a difficult situation to deal with, where’s the harm in handling it tactfully?
It seems appropriate to finish with the words of those two great philosophers Bill & Ted: “Be excellent to one another.”
Life Lesson # 6 : The wealthy and the powerful don’t get enough bad press.
I’m sure many of you have probably seen this clip from the riots which took place in London (and all over the UK) this summer. An Indonesian student is lying in the street covered in blood after being attacked. A guy helps him to his feet, whilst his accomplice robs possessions from his backpack.
The actions of the perpatrators in this video are undoubtably dispicable, sickening and evil. What are the mugger’s motives here other than pure, unadulterated, inhumane selfishness? How is it possible for a human being to see another human being lying in the street covered in blood and see it as an opportunity not just to steal from them, but to do so under the false pretence of extending a helping hand? It’s indicative of absolutely nothing other than a chillingly evil mentality.
But what assumptions can we make about the muggers aside from this? I would say it’s likely they’re from an impoverished background. I would say it’s likely they grew up on a rough estate, with rough kids and went to a rough school. I would say it’s unlikely they ever received any encouragement at home to go and learn a trade or go to University or ever dreamt of being a doctor or a lawyer. It would be unfair to jump to any conclusions about drugs, alcohol, welfare benefits, violence or abuse, but I think there’s a strong chance they’ve factored into their lives at some point. These factors obviously doesn’t excuse or justify any of the abonimable bactions they commit, but it would also be foolish to ignore them.
Evil isn’t just bred on council estates and high-rise, inner-city towerblocks. Evil can be articulate, educated and charming; dressed in a suit with a welcoming smile and a warm handshake. Evil people don’t just congregate in dark, city-centre alleyways or stalk deprived areas looking for trouble; evil people can also head up industries, offer you irresistable credit you can’t afford and sweet-talk a vote out of you.
It’s the the covert actions of the wealthy and the powerful that we don’t hear enough about. And it’s the wealthy and the powerful that won’t just mug us in the street, they will reach into our salaries or our pensions and take whats unrightfully theirs. They’ll plunge us all into recession and then blame it on us, and they’ll take us into wars that nobody wants. And then we’ll look at the Paris Hiltons and the Kim Kardashians of the world and we’ll go “she’s got nice shoes, I wish I was wealthy and powerful” and the bullshit will continue.
